Monday, February 22, 2010

or do i?

Forget it, i'll never get there.

Everytime, every single time i think i am getting closer, the earth moves. The ground shifts and starts to crumble. The space where we stand breaks apart, it gets blown further and further behind - all i can do is stare helplessly into the precipitous earth rain as it crumbles in my horizon, as the distance grows further and further apart, too afraid that any attempt to leap forward would send me plunging down into the dark abyss below.

But then time and time again there is a bridge. A dim glimmer of hope. But that bridge doesnt hold strong. It wavers. It is uncertain. It goes left and right, hot and cold. It is faulty. It dosent stand up for me. And i am afraid to step onto it. Afraid that should the dim hope fail, it would send me spiraling deeper and deeper into the massive black hole.

Isnt it better not to hope than to have a glimmer of hope that lasts only to make the darkness of that awaits you even darker than it seems? To have a brittle bridge that may crumble beneath your weight; despair.

So why? Why is there the bridge? Why does it exist only to taunt me in its failings?

I dont need it. It shouldnt be there. I shouldnt be here. I should feel courage as the distance gradually increases, as the space where i stand becomes alone, becomes me. I was alone to begin with. and alone i will remain.

Bridge, i dont need you.

the unkindest cut of all @ 12:10 AM