Sunday, November 16, 2008

just bend the pieces till they fit

i havent been able to think.

ok you're probably going like what? what's there to think?

i mean to really think. to ponder about my life, where i am going, why i do the things i do. my beliefs, my understanding of life..
there's just no time. maybe it's just me. right now all i think about is studying, getting my notes done, getting my readings done, and then emptying my head by doing idle things and watching idle shows.

somehow i find it all.. meaningless.
why do i study? how many years of my life have i spent studying? i feel oblidged to study more, study harder, to remain focused on the task at hand so much so that i blank everything else out.

i feel so empty-
actually, not even empty. i dont feel anything. there's this void that has been filled with mindless thoughts and things. and i realise i do tend to block out my own thoughts (yeah how dumb/weird) so i do not think or feel.

i cant remember the last time i thought really hard and well about anything that matters.

the unkindest cut of all @ 12:42 AM